Millennium Puzzle’s Vacation
by Kaazoo
Summary: Yugi goes on vacation but can't take the puzzle. So he leaves it in the care of none other than Seto Kaiba. Warnings: cursing and Kaiba's soul room.


Kaiba's Puzzle  
  
"So, where are we going, Yugi?" Yami asked in his semi-transparent form from the bed. Yugi had been franticly packing for the last half-hour or so, but he had neglected to tell Yami where they were going.  
  
"Actually, Yami, you can't come." Yugi said as he continued packing and he avoided looking at his other side.  
  
"But why not?"  
  
"Remember that little 9-11 incident? Since I'm going to America, I can't bring anything which would be seen as a weapon, including the puzzle."  
  
"Why are you going to America anyway?"  
  
"To visit Rebecca."  
  
"Maybe it's a good thing I can't come."  
  
"Yeah, well I already arranged for someone to take care of you so you won't get bored."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Well, Tristan is out of town, and I don't want you staying with Joey, what with his father being an alcoholic and all-"  
  
"I guess I'm staying with Tea then, huh?" Yami said unhappily.  
  
"No, actually. I called in a few favors."  
  
"Please tell me I'm not staying with Ryou and the tomb-robber."  
  
"No, though now that you mention it, that would be a good idea."  
  
"Enough with the guessing game, who am I staying with?"  
  
"What? I thought you were the King of Games."  
  
"Duke?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Serenity?"  
  
"Well, staying with Serenity is the same as staying with Duke, so no."  
  
"Grandpa?"  
  
"Yami, he's going with me."  
  
"Oh. Johnny Steps?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Never mind. Mai?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Mako?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Weevil?"  
  
"Ew, no."  
  
"Espa Roba?"  
  
"Gack, no."  
  
"Rex?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Bones?"  
  
"Isn't he dead?"  
  
"Bandit Keith?"  
  
"Hell no!"  
  
"Pegasus?"  
  
"Not unless you want to stay in the hospital and be used to revive his dead lover."  
  
"No, then. Arcadia?"  
  
"Isn't he in a mental institution?"  
  
"Strings?"  
  
"No.  
  
"The Ishtars?"  
  
"Like I'd willingly give you to them."  
  
"I've got it! It's got to be Shaadi!"  
  
"Sorry, no."  
  
"No....you wouldn't have....not..."  
  
"Yes, go on."  
  
"Not Kaiba?!?!"  
  
"Correct, ding ding ding. You just won one free trip to the Kaiba Mansion, complete with one weeks room and board!"  
  
"You should be the dark one."  
  
"Don't worry, I made Kaiba promise he wouldn't hurt you."  
  
"Oh sure, that's all good and fine, but Kaiba can order his henchmen to do it for him!"  
  
"I think you're being paranoid, Yami. Give Kaiba a chance, you might have fun dueling him 24/7"  
  
"If you need me, I'll be fleeing to Canada."  
  
"Nope, you can't go. You're attached to the puzzle, and if I lend Kaiba the puzzle..."  
  
"Don't even say that."  
  
"Well, get yourself ready, I'm going to drop you off in an hour."  
  
"You're abandoning me."  
  
"I am not. It's just for a week, and then I'll come and get you back."  
  
"But don't you have to lose a duel to Kaiba in order to give him the puzzle?"  
  
"Well, remember that one time when I lose on purpose so he wouldn't fall off a cliff? That counts."  
  
"No...the horror!"  
  
"Let's go, Yami. The sooner you get there, the sooner you can leave."  
  
"How does that work?"  
  
"It doesn't. Now let's go." With that, Yugi grabbed the puzzle, put it on and headed towards the Kaiba Mansion.  
  
"I thought you said I had an hour!" Yami wailed from inside the puzzle.  
  
"I lied." While the walk to the Kaiba Mansion was much longer than Yugi would have liked, it didn't last near long enough for Yami. In a short time, his freedom had come to an end, and Yugi was ringing the doorbell. Yami had never heard a sound so evil or foreboding before in his life. The door opened.  
  
"Yugi." Kaiba said.  
  
"Hi Kaiba, thank you so much for agreeing to watch my puzzle for a week."  
  
"I –uh" Yugi stuffed the puzzle along with its box into Kaiba's hands and took off as fast as his little legs would carry him. "Ok then." Kaiba said, before shutting the door.  
  
"Hi Seto." Mokuba said happily. "Who was that at the door?"  
  
"Yugi. He said I had agreed to watch his puzzle for a week. When did I agree to that, humm?"  
  
"Yesterday."  
  
Flashback  
  
Seto was at his desk, working furiously on the next duel system. Mokuba came in.  
  
"Seto, would you mind watching Yugi's puzzle for a week?"  
  
"Yeah, sure, whatever." Seto said, not paying attention.  
  
"That's great!" Mokuba said, and left.  
  
End Flashback  
  
"Oh, is that what you asked me?" Seto said. "I thought you were asking if we could go for ice cream on Saturday."  
  
"Does that mean we can go for ice cream on Saturday?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because of the puzzle."  
  
"Fine then, I hate you!" Mokuba ran off.  
  
"Stupid puzzle." Kaiba made to set the puzzle down on an end table and forget about it.  
  
"Kaiba...." A spooky disembodied voice called out to him. Kaiba froze.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"Don't put down the puzzle..." Kaiba looked around the room and found that he was alone.  
  
"And why not?"  
  
"Because I said so Kaiba...."  
  
"And who are you to order me around?"  
  
"Damn it, this isn't working. You're supposed to be scared of me."  
  
"I'm not scared of anything that I can't see."  
  
"How does that work?"  
  
"I don't know, just leave me alone. I have work to do." Kaiba once again moved to put down the puzzle.  
  
"No! Don't put down the puzzle!"  
  
"I ask you again, why not?"  
  
"I don't want to be alone. Please, I was alone for five thousand years. Have a heart!"  
  
"Where is this voice coming from anyway? Yugi didn't bug the puzzle, did he?" Kaiba asked himself, examining the puzzle.  
  
"Bugs? I hate bugs."  
  
"What the hell? Who are you?"  
  
"It's is me Kaiba, your conscious. What was that song Yugi taught me? When you wish upon a star..."  
  
"I killed my conscious a long time ago."  
  
"I don't die easy."  
  
"Why don't I put the puzzle down and see what that does?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Your voice is familiar. Who are you? None of that conscious garbage."  
  
"I am Yami, Pharaoh of ancient Egypt."  
  
"Not this again. Yugi must have bugged the puzzle."  
  
"I'll prove it to you."  
  
"How, pray tell?"  
  
"Duel me."  
  
"How can I duel a piece of gold jewelry?"  
  
"You know that box Yugi gave you? Open it up."  
  
"Fine. This better be worth my time."  
  
"Oh believe me, it is." Kaiba opened the box and was shocked to see Yugi's deck was inside.  
  
"Why would Yugi give me his deck?"  
  
"It's my deck and you're watching me. He didn't give it to you!"  
  
"What's to stop me from just taking the deck, putting the puzzle down and walking away?"  
  
"Put the puzzle on."  
  
"No, I refuse to wear anything so tacky."  
  
"Just put the puzzle on."  
  
"Fine, if only to prove you wrong, you stupid disembodied voice." Kaiba put the puzzle on, and the eye of Horus glowed. Kaiba's eyes widened and he fell backward onto the floor.  
  
Kaiba opened his eyes, and found himself in a small room that looked familiar. The floor was a light blue carpet, and the walls were painted white. On one wall was a small desk with a computer, and opposite that was a large wall scroll of Mokuba playing chess. Strewn all over the room was various duel monster plushies and duel monster cards. On the wall next to the scroll was a dartboard with a group picture attached to it. In said picture were Tea, Tristan, and the mutt. Next to his computer was a billboard with pictures of Yugi on it. The title of the billboard was 'How to Defeat my Nemesis and Reclaim my Title!' In the corner of the billboard there was a small picture of what appeared to be Yugi. Scrawled across the picture was 'Is this really Yugi?'  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
"Good question. It seems everyone's moving into my puzzle." Kaiba looked up and found himself looking at Yugi.  
  
"Yugi, what the hell are you doing here?"  
  
"Welcome to your soul room. Although it's not exactly what I was expecting. It's a lot happier than I imagined. And I thought you'd have a rack in that corner over there, next to the computer. By the way, since it appears that you're going to have residence in my puzzle, you might as well get it right. I'm not Yugi."  
  
"Let me guess, you're the Pharaoh of ancient Egypt. We've been through this a million times. It's not possible."  
  
"Neither is it possible for you to be inside a piece of jewelry, but here you are. Come on, there's usually a pretty good view. That is, unless you dropped us face down. Idiot."  
  
"It's not possible!"  
  
"You know, Kaiba, for a man of your intellect, you have a very small vocabulary. Humm, I wonder what's behind this thing." Yami said, walking over to the billboard of Defeat Yugi. He paused for a second in front of it. "Seems like someone's just a little obsessed, don't you agree? Oh, and only one picture of me? How sad. I don't feel loved, Kaiba." He moved the billboard slightly to the left, revealing an ancient looking door with an eye of Horus on it. "I thought as much. Remember how I said you had a connection to the past. Yeah, well, this is it. My past. Come on, Kaiba." Yami shoved the door open and pulled Kaiba through. The door closed behind them, and the two found themselves in a very large, elaborate, maze-like room.  
  
"Where are we?"  
  
"My soul room. Isn't it wonderful?" Yami asked sarcastically.  
  
"I just love what you've done with the place, now get me out."  
  
"What do I have to do to make you believe?"  
  
"I won't believe a word of your lies!"  
  
"Try and find your own way out then." Yami vanished. Kaiba turned around with all intent to go back to the other room, where he at least felt comfortable. However, the door had disappeared.  
  
"Yugi, you can't leave me in here forever!" Kaiba shouted.  
  
"Oh no, but I can. And Yugi won't be back for a week. Let's see what it's like to be Kaiba, we can't have you lying on the floor for a week, somebody might worry. I pity that poor soul."  
  
"What are you going to do to me?"  
  
"Well you know how you had your soul taken out by Pegasus? That's almost what I did, only now I'm going to put my soul in your body."  
  
"You monster."  
  
"Revenge Kaiba, sweet revenge. After all, you made me lose."  
  
Kaiba's eyes fluttered open, but they were no longer blue. Instead, they were red. Kaiba, who was actually Yami now, ran a finger through his hair, which was standing on end in a rather odd fashion.  
  
"I have a rather strong urge to cackle 'freedom!'" Yami said to himself, before deciding he was hungry and he was going to go raid the fridge. "So, where's the kitchen, Kaiba?" He asked, looking down at the puzzle that hung around his neck.  
  
"You wouldn't."  
  
"But I'm hungry! Or should I say, you're hungry. I bet you haven't been eating lately. Neglecting your stomach for work, how terrible."  
  
"What I do is my business and my business alone."  
  
"Well, now it's my business too! So is KaibaCorp, now that I think about it."  
  
"Not my KaibaCorp! I worked hard for that."  
  
"Oh yes, I heard about that. Tell me, how did it sound when your poor father hit the pavement?"  
  
"Gozaburo wasn't my real father, and believe me, he deserved it."  
  
"So it sounded good then, I take it."  
  
"You have no idea. Now give me my body back."  
  
"You're in no position to make demands. Now let's go eat." After wandering around for an hour, Yami finally stumbled into the kitchen. "So, what do you usually eat around here?"  
  
"Not telling."  
  
"Is the great Seto Kaiba pouting?"  
  
"I am not!" Kaiba whined.  
  
"My gods, I believe I'm seeing a side of you that no one has seen in years."  
  
"Shut up. I want my body back."  
  
"And I don't want to be living with you for a week. We all want things we can't have." Mokuba chose that moment to walk in.  
  
"Who are you talking to, Seto?"  
  
"Seto!" Yami said happily.  
  
"You have no right to call me by my first name!" Kaiba said from inside the puzzle.  
  
"Stuff it, Kaiba." Yami snapped. Mokuba's eyes welled up.  
  
"Big brother...."  
  
"Not you, Mokuba." Yami said. "I was talking to you older brother."  
  
"Don't bring Mokuba into this!" Kaiba yelled.  
  
"Oh do you care for ickle Moky?"  
  
"Yes! Now let me explain to him what's going on!"  
  
"What's going on?" Mokuba asked. The puzzle replied.  
  
"Ok, Mokuba, I want you to understand that the evil Yugi, who lives in this stupid gold puzzle stole my body, and that's who's in there, and I'm in here."  
  
"If you're going to tell a story, tell it right. First off, I am neither Yugi nor evil. Secondly, the puzzle is not stupid." Yami gave the puzzle a little shake.  
  
"I get it!" Mokuba said. "You're the Pharaoh that Yugi was trying to tell me about that one day in the helicopter."  
  
"That wasn't Yugi wither, but yes!"  
  
"You're full of nonsense!" Kaiba snapped.  
  
"Coming from someone who's trapped in a little gold necklace, I don't think you have the right to talk."  
  
"Why are you in my brother's body?"  
  
"Ah, Ra bless children. Revenge, sweet Moky, revenge."  
  
"You will give my brother back his body, won't you?"  
  
"Not until he learn that the puzzle can't be left on an end table."  
  
"I've learned my lesson! Now give me back my body!"  
  
"I don't think you've learned it yet. I keep the body." Mokuba was making his way out of the kitchen.  
  
"I think I'll stay out of your way for a while."  
  
"You do that, Mokuba."  
  
"Well if you're really desperate to make me eat, just wait until dinner. It's in an hour."  
  
"Fine then, what shall we do until dinner?"  
  
"I have work to do."  
  
"I don't want to do your work!"  
  
"Which is exactly why you should give me back my body."  
  
"I don't want to. We're going to go play a game with your little brother."  
  
"You've sunk that low, you want to go beat up little kids, do you?"  
  
"Kaiba, Kaiba, Kaiba, not all my games involve fists and death."  
  
"Most of them do."  
  
"Well, as much as this may shock you, I happen to like Mokuba, and I don't want to kill him."  
  
"And I don't want you playing with my little brother."  
  
"Fine then, maybe you and I could play a game. I brought those cards for a reason, you know."  
  
"Fine, you have to go up to my room, and get my briefcase."  
  
"On second thought, I have a deck of normal cards in my soul room." Yami made his way to a table, and sat down. He then retreated to his soul room, leaving Kaiba's body unconscious in a chair.  
  
Kaiba was sitting right where Yami had left him. When suddenly a chair materialized in front of him.  
  
"Have a seat." Yami drawled from behind him.  
  
"Ah, it's you again! Give me back my body!"  
  
"My Kaiba, I never fancied you as such a broken record." Yami said as he pulled Kaiba to his feet and pushed him onto the chair. A rope came out of no where and Yami proceeded to tie Kaiba's legs to the chair. Once Yami was sure that Kaiba was secure, a card table appeared, along with another chair and a deck of cards. Yami took a seat in the other chair, and shoved the cards across the table at Kaiba. "You shuffle first."  
  
"Why did you tie me up?"  
  
"To make sure you couldn't take back your body. I'm not sure you know how to yet, but it never hurts to be careful."  
  
"What are we playing?"  
  
"Go-Fish."  
  
"You are the embodiment of evil, do you know that?"  
  
"No, that's Yugi for making me stay here. Now shuffle."  
  
"Fine."  
  
Time passed. They played game after game after game of Go-Fish, all of which Yami won. Right now, they were tied with an equal number of sets, and it was Yami's turn.  
  
"Got any twos?" Kaiba looked down at his hand, and saw to his horror that he only had three cards left. All of them were twos.  
  
"Damn it, take them all! I'm not playing this anymore!"  
  
"Then why don't you suggest another game, Kaiba?"  
  
"I don't want to play anymore games. It's got to be time for dinner by now."  
  
"Food! Sounds good to me." With that, Yami disappeared and was back in control of the body. "Kaiba? How do you get to the dining room?"  
  
"Why don't you let me out, and I'll show you?"  
  
"I'm not that stupid, Kaiba."  
  
"Well then, I guess you'll just have to wander around the mansion until you die."  
  
"I'm already dead. You however, are not. Where's the dining room?"  
  
"Go straight across the hall, then right, left, up the stairs, left, left, right and right again."  
  
"Damn it, Kaiba. You walk."  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"But I'll be watching you." Yami said as he retreated back into the puzzle, and Kaiba's eyes and hair returned to normal.  
  
"Stupid 'Pharaoh' There's nothing to stop me from taking off the puzzle." Kaiba gloated, and he did just that. He set it on an end table and walked off to not have dinner and do work instead.  
  
"No! Don't leave me!" Yami screamed, but no one could hear him. He sat down at the still present card table and pulled up the deck of cards. Maybe if he played solitaire the time would pass quickly. Maybe Kaiba would remember where he put the puzzle. Maybe Yugi would remember to come and get the puzzle from Kaiba. Maybe Kaiba would give the puzzle to Yugi. And maybe Yami would keep his sanity through the week.  
  
After a few hours, Yami had given up on Kaiba returning for him and had attempted to move the puzzle off the end table and to the dining room. It had worked, and luckily the puzzle had remained intact despite the small fall. He then began to edge the puzzle along very slowly in the direction that Kaiba had gone. After a few more hours, Yami had succeeded in moving a grand total of three inches.  
  
It was late at night now, and the maids had come out to do the cleaning. One spied the puzzle on the floor in the middle of the hallway and returned it to the end table.  
  
"No! All my hard work was in vain!" So instead of giving up, like most mere mortals would, Yami decided to start again. The sun had risen, and Yami was now a foot from the end table.  
  
Seto Kaiba woke refreshed and ready to deal with that damn puzzle again. After entering the hall where he had left it, his eyes fell on the empty end table. He felt a hint of panic, because he knew that Yugi would get the Gods cards to rip him apart if he did not find the puzzle. Kaiba rushed forwards, but he didn't get very far. His foot connected with something solid on the floor, and Kaiba found himself becoming intimate with the carpet. He picked himself up off the floor, and turned around to see what it was that had caused this new 'relationship' with the carpet. The puzzle sat in the middle of the hallway, and the eye of Horus mocked him.  
  
"It was destiny! I knew you were coming to get me!" Yami cried. It was then that Kaiba noticed his foot was still touching the puzzle, and he moved to yank it away, but Yami pulled him into his soul room before he could complete the gesture.  
  
"I don't give a damn about your destiny crap, and I'm going to be late for work!"  
  
"Take me with you! I can make guacamole!"  
  
"Yugi's been letting you watch too much TV."  
  
"Oh come on, I'm a good luck charm."  
  
"I don't believe in good luck."  
  
"I challenge you to a game that says I am good luck."  
  
"No, because you'll win, you little cheater."  
  
"I know-hey! I don't cheat, I have good luck!"  
  
"Fine but only if you swear not to take over my body."  
  
"I swear on the puzzle."  
  
"Good, if you break your promise I can break your puzzle."  
  
"Sniff...deal."  
  
"Good, now shut up and put me back in my body."  
  
"I'll prove that I'm good luck."  
  
"Didn't I say shut up?" Yami decided that it was best not to test Kaiba's mood this early in the morning, so he put Kaiba back in his body. Kaiba put on the puzzle and Yami started whistling happily to himself while Kaiba walked out the front door, where a limo was already waiting. The car ride was spent in silence as Yami was contemplating what fun today would be, and Kaiba was contemplating what a hell today would be. 


End file.
